This one goes out to all the math nerds out there…
NEW YORK – A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide-rule, a set-square, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said that he believes the man is a card-carrying member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-gebra is a serious problem for us,” Gonzales said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes have been known to go on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and often refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles once said: ‘There are three sides to every triangle.'”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President George “Dubya” Bush said: “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would’ve given us more fingers and toes.”
Amen, President Bush. Amen.