Nature Calls: October 2005 Archives

I itch to climb. Especially when I don’t get a chance to do it regularly. The last couple of weeks have played hell with me, my strength is all over the place, my balance almost shot… it’s a bad scene. So what do I do? I start climbing stuff, of course! I’m not picky – I’ll climb damned near anything at this point. Like, for example, castle walls…

That picture is of my happy ass sitting 15 feet up a castle wall in El Puerto de Santa Maria. The locals refer to it as “El Castillito” because it’s not a very big castle, per se. But it’s a farkin’ castle. More pics will be uploaded to the gallery later this evening.
I’m still in the process of breaking in the new Galileos, but they’re super comfortable compared to the Anasazis and stickier’n flies on shit. Or something.
I don’t think the buildering will make me stronger, but it’ll definitely prevent me from getting weaker. And that’s A Good Thing.

Hurricanes suck · Oct 20, 05:03 PM by Jose Sierra
There’s not much that sucks more than a hurricane, to be sure. Although, in terms of natural disasters, there’s worse. An earthquake, for example, creates all kinds of damage and strikes pretty much from out of nowhere. By the time the geeks that figured out that there’s an earthquake about to happen get off their asses and get with the program, skyscrapers in Mexico City are coming down and a giant wave is enveloping southeast Asia.
Tornados are fairly devastating, and they’re sorta random. I mean, they recognize the conditions for a tornado, but who knows if one will actually touch down. Of course, when it does touch down, that’s when the devastation begins. I’m not sure whether it’s as bad overall as a good hurricane.
Tidal waves are rough, but I still think that those things are detectable. With all the undersea sensors deployed by the navies of the world, you’d figure they’d be able to tell if a gi-normous wave is barreling across the sea. Just seems like they’d be capable of it, that’s all. Devastating? Sure. But hurricanes have storm-surges too.
Yeah. Hurricanes suck. But the parties are fun. I’m going to miss this one, unfortunately – I’ll be in Spain. Not too worried about getting out of here, but who knows if I’ll be able to get back in time. Hey, a few extra days in Spain? Noooo problem.

So I’m looking at a photo my boss sends me of a gi-normous snake that apparently tried very hard to eat a gi-normous alligator before the alligator apprently woke up and tore the snake a new asshole (literally). Both creatures ended up dead, and what a mess.

I’m looking at this picture, thinking to myself “Damn, I will never set foot in the Amazon. That’s some seriously messed up shit.”

I’m watching the 11 o’clock news that night, and I see the same photo come up. I watch, transfixed, as the news anchor tries to convince me that this party occurred not in the Amazon, land of enormous prehistoric creatures, nor even in Africa, where big shit is simply par for the course. No, this apparently happened in the Everglades. The Florida Everglades.

As in, 10 miles west of where I live.

That’s kind of creepy. I go fishing there. And I don’t really watch for 20 foot freakin’ pythons. Guess I should start. According to this report, there’s a crazy infestation of enormous pythons in the Everglades thanks to those irresponsible fucking pet owners that think it’s oh-so-cool to own a pet snake (a pet snake? a pet fucking snake? Come on. What’s it gonna do, give you a big hug while you sleep?) but then they realize what a ridiculous notion it is to keep a cold-blooded reptilian creature for a pet, or (more likely) they realize that the amazingly badassed albino burmese python they bought grows to ridiculous sizes and you have to feed it small children or live chinchillas or fucking goats or something. Then they run out to their backyard, which happens to be a protected habitat, and dump said giant snake into the swamp. There it can continue to live and eat and grow unabated because it has no natural predators, and it can upset the delicate balance of an already endangered ecosystem.

Sounds like a great idea.

These are the same hosers that buy SUV’s for no practical reason beyond the fact that they’re trying to compensate for a less-than-average stature and feel insecure about it. Nobody has to haul 16 grown adults and enough groceries to feed them all for a month. Nobody. Nobody can say that a snake (or any reptile, for that matter) is a gratifying pet. Anybody who says otherwise is simply saying it to be contradictory. It doesn’t recognize you or feel gratitude for your tender ministrations. It will kill you as readily as look at you, especially if you’re small and inoffensive. Like a dog. Or a small child. Or a 12 foot alligator.