The most Metal of Metal shows...

Metalocalypse.

Holy crap. The most metal show ever. For the love of all that is Metal and otherwise Unholy, how freakin' hilarious is this show?

Brutal. Watch it. Midnight, Cartoon Network. Metal... so metal.

Ropes course training is awesome, fun, informative, and... fun. Learning all the excellent techniques, so next time I find myself 50 feet up on a high-wire with some friends, and one of them decides to freak the fuck out and decide they simply can't continue to walk on the cable because plummeting to their death isn't their idea of a good time, I can totally lower them to safety. The safety of the rancor pit baby! What, you didn't really expect us to be walking a high-wire over something lame, like mattresses or something?

Foolish mortals. You're simply not metal enough. Cartoon Network. Metalocalypse. It will solve your metal deficiency.

Want to climb better? Get you a pair of La Sportivas. Want to climb better, and be more metal? Scoop up some Vipers. The Mantras: excellent shoes. Sticky, sensitive, soft, stretchy - like socks with rubber slapped on 'em. The Vipers: all that, better support throughout the shoe, and a precision heel that is freakin' ridiculous. And some crazy kind of air bubble in the heel so when you take that fall (if you happen to fall because you're not climbing metal enough) you land and it's not even an issue. You land, you look around, you brush off your shoulder cuz it ain't no thang, and continue brutalizing the route. It's so metal. You can smear, and you can edge.

Wait, both of these in one shoe? That's right. You can smear, and you can edge. And not just a little bit of each, no sir. It's "you can smear like your shoes are made of molten rubbery goodness, and you can edge like you have knives sewn in with human guts strapped to the edge of your shoes." Did I mention their metal-ness?

So yeah, the Vipers are sweet shoes. Will everyone like them? Nope. The Katana seems to be a more lovable, cuddly shoe that will satisfy the needs of the masses. The Viper is a more specialized shoe for the discriminating climber. Or a very metal climber.

Yaaaaaaar!!!!

Oh, and on a much, much happier note... Volkswagen is re-airing the "Unpimp ze auto" commercials. Oh my God, I want to pee myself. They're just that funny. Watch Cartoon Network. Catch Metalocalypse. See hilarious ads. Become a complete vegetable.

Hey, it's a living.